Doctor, Doctor
by Terminally Ambivalent
Summary: Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news! I got a bad case of lovin' you! No hypo's gonna cure my ill. Gotta bad case of lovin' you! "Well, it's terminal, but I'm pretty sure you'll live." R&R!


Title: Doctor, Doctor

Author: Terminally Ambivalent (_call me Captain ;D)_

Rating: Um, PG-13? For implied sex and some no-no words? (_Please inform me if I need to bump the rating up a bit_)

Pairing: McCoy/Kirk (_Why I write this pairing first when my favorite is Spock/Kirk I'll never know_)

Warning: Man/Man lovin'! (_Tis a beautiful thing, that is *sniffles*_), cuss words, and implied smexy time (_although, all the time is pretty much smexy time for Kirk)_

Summary: Just a forming romantic relationship between Bones and Jim from the time of their meeting and on to the tune of _Doctor, Doctor,_ or if you prefer, _Bad Case Of Loving You _written by John Moon Martin and recorded by Robert Palmer.

Disclaimer: I do not own this song, nor do I own Star Trek in any way, shape, or from. I do, however, own this fic.

Note: I tweaked the song a bit.

* * *

_**Whooaaaaa**_

_The hot summer night, fell like a neeet_

_I've got to fiiiiind, my baby yet_

_I need you, to soothe my head_

_Turn my bluuue heart to red!_

James Tiberius Kirk had finally settled down in his seat on the shuttle and was now awaiting lift off on which he would be taken directly to _Starfleet_. Although, there seemed to be technical difficulties or something because he was pretty sure they were supposed to have taken off by now.

"I don't need a doctor, _damnit_, I _am_ a doctor!" A gruff voice cut through.

"You need to get back to your seat, sir." A much calmer voice joined in, though there seemed to be a hint of irritation behind it.

"I had one, in the bathroom, with no windows. I suffer from _aviophobia_. And case that's to big of a word for ya, it means fear of _dying in something that flies_!" The gruff voice spoke up again, but this time it seemed to have the slightest hint of hysteria included in it and was quite noticeably closer to his person now. He looked away from the window just in time to see a tall brunette man sit (collapse) down beside him.

"I may throw up on you." The same gruff voice he had heard no less than seconds ago stated quite plainly, and bluntly.

The man had a five-o-clock shadow, a weird (but oddly endearing) scowl upon his face, and deep chocolaty brown eyes. Jim's mother often joked with him and told him, when he was little, that when people had brown eyes it often meant they were full of crap, thus the brown color. She often told him this after one of his frequent run-ins with the local bully. He would giggle and tell her she was silly, but also secretly wondered if it were true, as any child does with a supposed "secrete" they've been told.

Jim was then remembered what the man had just said to him, "_I may throw up on you"_. _What an odd way to greet someone_, Jim thought. Yet, how freakishly… He was torn between the words: gross, and oddly enough, cute in a weird sort of _'__Haha, what have you been sniffing?'_ kind of way.

"You know, I think these things are pretty safe." He tried to comfort the man.

"Don't pander ta me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood **boils** in thirteen seconds. A solar flare might crop up, _cook us_ in our seats. And wait 'til you're sittin' pretty with a case of _Andorian shingles_. See if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs start ta** bleed**! Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence."

"Well, I hate to break this to you, but _Starfleet_ operates in space." Silence and darkness, and what? Okay, Jim thought, this guy really **does **have a problem, if not with flying, than definitely with space in general.

"Yeah. Well, I got nowhere else to go, the ex-wife took the whole goddamn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones."

And from that moment on, the man sitting next to him was officially dubbed _"Bones"_ for life.

_Doctor, Doctor, give me the news_

_I've got a - bad case of luvin' youuu_

_No hypo's gonna cure my ill_

_I've gotta - bad case of luuuvin' youuuu_

_You have got to be kidding me_, was the first thought to enter Leonard McCoy's head when he saw who exactly it was he'd be sharing his room with for the next four years (only, later to realize they only shared that particular room for three. The other times they would share a room…)

"You're my roommate?! You can't be serious!" A pause. "Are you stalking me?"_ This just can't be happening._

"Unfortunately for you, no - " There was a significant pause. "I am not stalking you. Now on your better side of luck, yes, I am indeed your roommate. Awesome, right?" The Kid (yes, he had officially graduated to a capital letter) had the nerve to smile cheekily up at him from his spot of lounging on one of the two beds.

"Not exactly the words I was thinking of, in fact, far from them. Ground rules: This," McCoy pointed over towards the left side of the room. "Is my side. No going over there, no nothing. _Stay. Out. Of. It._" He made his best attempt to look threatening, but the Kid's smile just seemed to brighten as he stood up and made his way past him to the door.

"Alright! Well, just to let you know, you're invited to "my side" _anytime_." The Kid said, adding a wink in before he slipped through the door and out of sight.

"Great. Out of all of the roommates I could have possibly wound up with, I end up with the testasarone-high, horny one." He sighed, finally lugging his bag onto his bed in order start unpacking.

"This is gonna be a long year."

_A pretty faaace - don't make no pretty heaaart_

_I learned thaaat, buddy, from the start_

_You think I'm cute, a little bit shyyy_

_Kid, I aaain't that kind of guy_

He had to admit the Kid was pretty nice on the eyes and, boy, did he have a smile that could knock ya dead, but Leonard McCoy had learned _long_ ago that a pretty face didn't make for a pretty heart. His ex-wife had driven that lesson home with a proverbial stake to the heart. Though, as he and, as he had been told, Jim Kirk got to know one another better, he had to admit the Kid really wasn't all that bad. Sure he had authority issues (so did he), and yeah, maybe he was sort of a manslut, but the Kid was a good one. Better than a good few he could name since he'd gotten here.

As the years went on (two to be exact, damn that Vulcan professor and his mind wiping), he became used to Jim's antics. Jim would playfully flirt with him when he was bored, he would be absent some nights due to his "sleeping habits", he didn't eat well (a fact which Leonard had taken it upon himself to rectify), and he was a damned genius. How the Kid managed to have a social life like his _and_ have grades damn near a Vulcan's still mystifies him. Oh, and the Kid seemed to abhor hypos with a passion… An aspect to which McCoy took great pleasure in exposing. Daily.

Honestly, Jim could be such an _infant_ sometimes.

_Doctor, Doctor, give me the news_

_I got a - bad case of lovin' youuu_

_No hypo's gonna cure my ill_

_I got a – bad case of looovin' youuu_

**_Whooaaa_**

They were on the _Enterprise_, both of them, Jim and himself. One big-blue puppy-eyed dog look from Jim had McCoy stabbing him in the neck with a hypo and dragging his sorry ass on board with some lame-ass excuse thrown towards security. Once on there, the Kid decided to play hero for the rest of the trip, thus in turn almost giving McCoy a series of multiple aneurysms.

Finally, after that whole Dooms-Day-In-The-Form-Of-A-Batshit-Crazy-Lunatic-From-The-Future situation was avoided, McCoy resolved that Jim was to be confined to courters for life. That is until he learned that Jim was being kept as captain of the _Enterprise_ and himself as the CMO. Then he just knew he could kiss his colored brown locks good-bye and say hello to gray-hair and most likely, _bald-spots_.

_I know you like it, you like it on top_

_Tell me, Boooones, are you gonna stop?_

Turns out, when Jim flirted with McCoy he meant business. McCoy could do business. In fact, he did it quite well.

_You had me down, 21 to zip_

_Smile of Judas – on your lips_

_Shake my fist, knock on wood_

_I've got it baaaad, and I've got it good_

Jim is convinced he'd been beaten from the start and so is McCoy. Jim swears Bones cheated with his Southern accent and sarcasm. McCoy swears Jim cheated with his smile and bad pick-up lines.

They settle for them both having cheated.

Though McCoy still insists Jim's smile is what was the real cheater.

McCoy had denied this all at first. Mentally telling himself he could not possible be in love with James "Fucking" Tiberius Kirk.

That lasted for about a week and for that, however short a period of time for holding out, he was quite proud. After all, he had been able to resist Jim Kirk's _legendary charm_, if only for so long.

Jim tried much the same thing, though his period of denial was cut short by his libido only a few hours after it started. _The traitor…_

McCoy's convinced he got it, and he got it bad for Jim.

Jim's pretty sure he got it, and he got it good for Bones.

* * *

Jim sat on his bed in his Captain's courters swinging his legs as much as their length would allow. McCoy was picking up all his medical instruments and placing them back into his medical pouch. Due to the fact Jim was busy all the time (and Jim avoided Physicals like the plague), McCoy had learned it was easiest to just lye and wait for the Captain to come to his quarters and corner him, than to futilely wait for Jim to come to the Med Bay for his Physical. After all, the Captain had to return to his courters sometime. All of a sudden, Jim started singing, albeit softly,

_"Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news_

McCoy paused to look at Jim, who was still staring at his swinging legs, then he set down what he was doing on their table.

_I got a – bad case of lovin' youuu_

McCoy then began to walk slowly, quietly towards Jim.

_No hypo's gonna cure my ills_

Finally, he stepped forward until he was standing right in front of Jim. So close, it would have been uncomfortable for anyone other than Jim. Jim finally looked up from his leg-swinging, looking Bones straight in the eyes.

_I got a – bad caaaaase of looovin' youuuu"_

The verse finished, them still staring at each other in the eyes, when Bones spoke,

"Well, it's terminal, but I'm pretty sure you'll live."

And with that he swept down on top of Jim, kissing him and doing much more with him for the rest of the night.

**FIN**

* * *

Sooooo, yes, I know this is most likely terribly crappy writing, but it's 4:15 A.M. here and my brain doesn't function this early. _Ever_. **Period**. I just had to write this. I'm sorry if I have burned your eyes and scarred your mind with my undoubtably multiple spelling mistakes and punctuation errors. If you could please point out any mistakes you see I would very much appreciate it. Also, please, please comment (yes, I know begging is a nasty and annoying habit. I apologize). I would very much appreciate feedback though. Oh, and please don't flame! Well, I'm off to bed now. I'm bloody tired...

**_So long, and thanks for all the fish! ;D_**

**_Mischief managed! _**

**_Live long and prosper!_**

**_CLICK THE DAMN REVIEW BUTTON ALREADY!_**

*ahem*

**_Please?_**


End file.
